Monday, August 27, 2007

Making Changes

You're ready to make changes in your life and family - how do you go about this? How do you get success - this time?
Support is the answer. As usual, I'll recommend a StandUp Parenting support group - it has sure worked for me over the years. But also, identify those people in your life that will back up the considered choices you are making. A relative, friend, teacher, or grocery checker. At church, the gym or your coffee shop - it doesn't matter. Be on the lookout for those who share your heartache and frustrations and will build you up - not tear you down.
Then compile your phone list. If you're part of a parent support group, you'll be given one. And call. When you've just blown your goal, call a like minded friend. When you don't know what to do next call again. Drop by the gym, coffee shop or store and look up your support folks. Listen to them and give back, as well.
The flip side of support, though, are the nay-sayers. Those who think you're making bad decisions, you're being mean or can't/shouldn't change. Learn to disengage with these folks over your parenting issues. Change the subject, when possible. Listen, but stay neutral. If they insist on verbally pounding you, consider how you might minimize contact. Not always possible, but do what you can to protect yourself.
Get support for change and growth. You can do it!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Let the Wind Blow

Please check out our new Books We Love section on the sidebar - we'll add our favorites as we go. Parenting Teens With Love and Logic is a hands down winner. It falls under the category of 'modern wisdom'. At our StandUp Parenting parent support groups we make use of a wide array of information. Some of it is cutting edge, but some is ancient. The amazing thing is how it all dovetails and blends together.
Today's quote is a bit of older, though not ancient, wisdom:
"Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much."
John Wayne
Those who have acting out kids of any age are aware of their ability to get us engaged - in arguments, in attempts to help/solve/suggest/advise them in their daily trauma dramas. As the book of Job says, 'The speech of a despairing man is wind." (Job 6:26) It's mostly the hot air of venting. And, it will blow over. That is, if we shut our own mouths.
Enter Parenting Teens With Love and Logic - there you will find great recommendations for keeping your speach to a minimum. Better yet, log on to the StandUp Parenting website (use the link to the right), find a parent support group in your area, and get some help putting 'low and slow' into practice!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Home Alone

How old does a mom have to be before she gets to be 'home alone'? To what lengths will she go to be home alone?
Well, one mom in Sicily wanted to find out. She hauled her 61 year old son to the police station after taking away his house keys and refusing to hand over his allowance. His crime? Out past curfew! See Yahoo news story. How many of us are in similar situations, though? Our kids may be 17, 23 or 35, but somehow they manage to just stay. We have plenty of reasons why they need to be with us - can't get a job, keep a job, had a rough childhood, learning disabilities - and the list goes on.
The longer our kids live with us, though, the weaker and more dependent they become. We're doing our offspring no favors by giving them extended shelter - beyond the occasional emergency.
Ask yourself, can my kid make it on his/her own? Do they currently contribute to the household in a meaningful way? Have they gotten more helpful over time?
Interested in moving your son or daughter into independence in a healthy way? Would you like help? Check the sidebar and click on the StandUp Parenting link to find a parent support group near you - StandUp for yourself and let other parents StandUp for you!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Purpose of Posting

This site can be a place where StandUp Parents can discuss issues with getting support, can express feelings and frustrations and joys of parenting adolescents, teens, and adult children.

Have you been in situations where you feel the family is out of control? You thought you knew how your family behaved, but were thrown for a loop? How do you recover from a call from the police? A report from the school counselor that your child has been suspended? Your child not coming home from school... for the night?

This has been my reality. I sought support and I found it. I found it in a weekly meeting of other StandUp Parents. We care about our kids. We want to have a healthy relationship with them, and we want to raise them to be responsible adults. We also want to survive the rearing of our kids!

Welcome to the StandUp world!